You're Breaking Up the Band!

Well this sucks!  

I'm sorry.  I don't let my kids say that word.  But it is currently the only one that can convey, for me, the depths of heartbreak and disappointment I am feeling.


And also...I'm getting really sick of everyone getting sick.  These kids have had a NEW wave of junk in the last week, and I don't think I can take it anymore!!! 

It's an expression deeply rooted in my inner child - ever since those good old junior high days - and I guess that's where I experience the rawest of chafings...that delicate fragile, inner self I barely recognize, rarely encounter and, frankly, don't really like all that much.  (For example, she obviously has a really inferior vocabulary.)

Speaking of fragile and delicate...the signs of spring around here are definitely bringing me gratitude and joy.  Until the weather turns on me...spring can be such a tease sometimes.

"Why is she so delicate right now?" you may be asking yourself.  (Or why this time?). 

Well...because my kid is about to leave me, and I am just now (apparently) figuring out that's what is ultimately going to happen with every single one of them.  (Well...I take that back.  We aren't convinced about Evan yet.)

Eden has officially decided on a school, and it is NOT the live-at-home dream I have been anticipating (literally) ALL YEAR!

I mean...who in the United States decided my kids should just up and leave?

"You're BREAKING UP THE BAND, EDEN!"

How DARE she?!!  My chickens would NEVER betray me like that.

I say it in jest, but not really.  I know I don't have any choice in the matter, and I can't just be like, "Well, if you leave I'm not speaking to you anymore." I became a counselor for a reason.  But I STILL have EMOTIONS...GUYS!

Allow me to take a breather for a second.  I see I am All-Capsing again.  Things are going to overheat.

Smell...the...flower.  Blow...the...leaf.  Smell...the...flower.  Blow...the...leaf.  Smell...the...flower.  Blow...the...leaf.   Smell...the...flower.  Blow...the...leaf.

There.  I think I am going to make it.  Maybe.

No wonder I've been having heart-stopping, eye-popping, all-out, full-blown panic attacks, lately.  The stable little world I have created around myself is getting ready to explode.  And I am a control freak.

Good God Almighty, won't you spare me this agony?!!!  Whatever happened to intergenerational living???


Me and Jesse, we think this whole societal plan smells ROTTEN.

Ok.  I might be being overdramatic, but most of all, I think I'm not.  I know that there are plenty of mom's who have had to face the first fledgling leaving the nest, but those mom's aren't me.  See?

Ugh.  I can't.  I think I'm just going to pretend it's not really happening, and then when it does, I'll just look the other way.  "What??? Eden...of she's just having a sleepover at a friends.  Happens all the time.  No big deal."

I asked her to hire a stand-in "mom" for her graduation events.  I think that is totally reasonable.  (Just don't ask me to let YOU get by with it in session. 😬)

I'm starting to realize, I'm going to have a hard time with this.  So...let's take this thing one. day. at. a. time.  

Ummm...just so you know, homemade bagels AREN'T a THING if you move out.


Word to the wise, you may want to avoid me for about all of May, August and probably the entire year after.   (I am a slow processor.)

Thank God I have Matt.  He has taken over so many of my burdens in the last month, I think he is going to run himself into the ground.  But that's ok, because when mama's not happy...  At least I can be sure that I am handled with the greatest of care.  It takes two people to help Kristen function through this "wonderful" world.



There's my man...rocking the pink oculus and showing off his skills.  He's still got it...at least...as much as he ever HAD it.  😉. (Just kidding, babe!!  25 cents...

I know he can't hold my whole world in his hands forever.  After all, he IS human.  But...we have an agreement I get to die first, so...

I promise I'm not delusional.  I just have a really good imagination.  

Oh, life.  

Kidding...not kidding.  Let's switch from the dark side...Look at this early sign of spring!!

And seriously...this lovely silhouette portrait of Jesse is reminiscent of those of smashingly similar style in the 80's (look it up, PLEASE!!  You won't regret it!).



There is so much for me to look forward to.  I am going to get through this.  But that doesn't change the fact that I still think it is stupid that I have to.  Mama always said, "Kristen doesn't have to do anything Kristen doesn't want to do."  (Unless I didn't want to do what SHE wanted me to do.  😉😂). I may not have the best attitude, but hang around awhile.  My moods and attitudes change like the weather.  Storms may stick around for awhile (especially if it is a sensitive topic or if I am feeling particularly stubborn), but they are always followed by the sunniest of days.

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