Is it Worth it?

Guess who is sick again.  Me...that's who.  😭  I am taking a bit of a sabbatical.  Mentally, I've been on it for over a week.   (I just happened to have to finally HAVE to take a sick day/sabbatical today. #theflustinks

 Motivation is low.  Attitude is compromised.  Positivity is forced.  It could just be January...winter blues.  Snow days.  Sick days.  Lack of sun.  I know I'm not the only one around here struggling.  Right?    🤷‍♀️

But...I feel like I need to take some time to really sit back and check the scales.  Even the balance, so to speak.  I feel like things are definitely out of balance...and have been for awhile.  And the imbalance is starting to feel like injustice.  And injustice drains me.  I am going to have to "weed the garden" for my own survival's sake.  

So, for the past couple of weeks, I have been mentally reflecting on just about every aspect of my life to try and figure out which parts can be weeded out.  (FYI...I won't be starting with any craft supplies.  😉)  I'm analyzing...where am I pouring in more than I am getting back (in pay or in fulfillment!)?  Where are the "one-way conversations" in my life? The plates I can tenderly set down (at least for a time)?  Where can I cut corners and gain sanity?

I am cranky and tired...teetering on the edge of the cliff.  Something has to change.

So, of course, my first response was to get up and make chocolate chip cookies, because...who does that?!  Me that's who.  (Take on a new project, why don't you?) I didn't even eat but a tiny scrap, but something about treating my crew to a homemade goody just really lifts my spirits.  So...the moral of the story is satisfying my family = huge fulfillment pay off.  #worththeeffort

...especially when Evan, who happens to be a little, mini-Cookie Monster, responds, "Mmmmm...This is nothing but chocolately goodness!"  💕

And the next thing I did was ask for help.  Right now, for sure,

I need a hero!...

And he's GOT to be strong,

because...

I am starting to think Matt has developed some kind of weather predicting system so he doesn't have to be home to shovel when we get the big snows. 🤔 I have taken one for the team about 3 or 4 times already this winter...I mean, exercise benefit IS a payoff fulfillment to shoveling, as is helping out my #1 ...but this weekend I just was NOT into it.  Sorry, Matt.  Thank God for sons!  (Of course, I had to bribe him with PS4 bucks, but that pays off for a mama on a snow day, as well...😉)

As I weigh things, I am also carefully managing my assets.  I have this student who is habitually struggling to get motivated to do school work.  Habitually.  His complaint is the usual, "I'm never going to use this stuff."  But instead of the typical, "I know, but..." I got to reply,

"Well, actually, I just used Algrebra last week."  🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately, he asked me why, and I had to admit it was in helping my daughter with her online college Algebra class (why DO they force these things?!!).  But he was definitely humored by the story:

…I got like, virtually, ALL of the answers wrong.  I mean…I totally followed the equations, and I calculated and recalculated and triple checked…but something was NOT working (I blame the calculator), and I was always a few points off.  I felt REALLY terrible…

But...when I looked up, I saw her slowly, physically defuse.  Amidst my complete and utter failure to actually help, she was smiling.  Smiling.  And happy.

So, somehow, “we” got an 80%, which is exactly what she needed. And something in what I did by just sitting there trying (hard!) totally relieved her anxiety.  And...through Algrebra, I learned an even more important lesson:

3y=100% x (I don’t know what the heck I’m doing) = it really doesn’t matter, because it’s really all about just always being there. 

Like a good parent.  And speaking of parenting.  If this kid is ever a dad (not to mention a husband!) I KNOW he's gonna be a good one. 

Because I made a baby this week (the easiest one yet...doesn't even talk back!), and this is how Evan cared for it even as he slowly developed into full on baby Yoda... 

No ears yet.  Lots of untucked strings.  And he cuddled that little toy like his most precious (living) possession...tucked in and zipped up right into his pajamies with him.  😱💕

He values baby Yoda.  Baby Yoda has balance.  Effort = Benefit

We are simply taking the time to slow down, look at things carefully, and figure out what we truly value over here...

...and what'd do better to avoid.  

(Like 👆 Oswald who, terrified and hiding, would OBVIOUSLY rather avoid the bunny.  My princess cat is scared of the bunny.  Duly noted.)