Spread Love


I tend to be drawn to the tough kids.  The ones who never participate and have total attitude problems.  I don't know what it is, except I have this overwhelming ability to see the beauty in everyone.  (I'm pretty sure I was the only one in the theater who came out of Star Wars: The Last Jedi feeling sorry for Kylo Ren.  But...did literally NO ONE else see the look in his eyes when Rey walked out?!!!)

I can't help but see beauty in people.  Even the least of us have beauty - strengths and gifts and vulnerability.  I am beautiful.  I have energy and love and empathy.  My heart is so full it could burst.  That is beautiful.

The best of us have ulginess, too.  Sometimes I am ugly.  Sometimes I make the wrong choice.  I do stupid things and make a total mess.

Today is a great example.  I was running barely on time for a school.  I got in my car and saw the gas gauge: 19 miles to empty.  I looked at my GPS: 10 miles away.  Arrival time: 7:53 a.m.  Awesome.  (Ok...I admit a bit of sarcasm.)

So, I tried to relax and stop the tension creeping down my neck.  Then, as I was approaching I-29, I thought...hmmmm...I don't remember taking I-29 to this school?...  Yep.  GPS had wigged out on me, and I had continued to follow her blindly.  (I know...we have a codependent relationship, but I happen to be directionally challenged.)

I was left trying to reconfigure the GPS settings - and get the right song going on my playlist, because...I mean...PRIORITIES! - while driving on the highway.  I glanced at my updated estimates:  5.2 miles to empty; 5 miles to school; 5 minutes late.  Lovely!  (And a few other choice words I'd rather my kids not know.)

When I finally arrived, I was so flustered I couldn't find the classroom.  I ended up walking in circles with some guy who claimed to be "helping" me.  I can't put my relief into words when we finally stumbled into my classroom teacher.  I apologized, threw my stuff down, and dove right into our lesson for the day: Communication - Giving and Receiving Directions (Oh the blasted irony!).

I cannot make this up...I walked right out of that lesson into Target, where I asked a sweet girl to help me find the ziplock bags.  Would you believe???...I completely disregarded her instructions. (In my defense, she DID have really cute hair! #distracted).  I had to stop and ask a second employee, who was kind enough to just walk me to the bags.  Wow!  I couldn't have written a better nonexample on listening.

I had these big plans to get about a million things done over my lunch break, but by the time it came, I was so frazzled I just rolled down my car windows, let the sun hit my skin and laughed when "Running to Stand Still" came on my play list.  I quit running.  I looked at the beauty in the ordinary around me.  I just stood still.

I was a lot calmer when I walked back into the school, and I asked for directions to my next classroom.  And I waited.  I listened.  I asked questions.  I restated the directions.  I knew exactly where I was going.

I walked into the classroom, and "that kid" was there.  Of course he was new, and we didn't have a connection.  He thought I was just another teacher, and he wasn't going to do ANYTHING I said.  I let it slide.  I don't always force things.  I just kept up my positive attitude, enthusiasm, smile, and eye contact. But...there came a time, when I just HAD to call him out.

"How is yours coming?"

"Fine."

"Hmmm..." I said, with a bit of ornery sarcasm, " 'Cause I'm thinking you should double check with everyone else, since yours is looking A LOT different to me."  Big, innocent, happy shrug.

Without looking at me, the kid said, all sarcasm and negative connotation, "Man!  Why you gotta be so extra?!"

I turned my head to him. I raised my eyebrows, caught his eyes and paused.  I shook my head, "Darn right I'm extra!"  I leaned back, and I spoke loudly and clearly into the air with all enthusiasm and sincerity, "I'm extra extra."

The kid, caught a little off guard, shook his head and laughed, "Aw...you just like your job."

"You got that right.  I love my job!" I smiled at him.

And we were friends.  And he ended up being the first one to participate and present.

I was reminded of the benefit of pressing through those tough moments in my life...of taking a deep breath and slowing down and taking time to appreciate the beauty around me...of opening my heart and choosing to be positive, responsible and forgiving (to myself and to others).  Because, deep down, I know there's a kid in there who needs these things...somewhere under that tough surface is a kid who just wants to be loved.  And I choose every day to be the adult who does.  Actually, every day I get to be the adult who does.  #blessed

Love, always!
Your little homie

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cruel Summer

Image
How've you been, my friends?  Feeling a little lonely/isolated over here (typical for people like me...who have need for relationship but find relationship devastatingly exhausting), so I decided it was time for a post. It's the deodorant I'm using.  Everybody loves it!! I've been kicking it in high gear trying to get ready for "back to school".  It sneaks up on me EVERY year!! And, oh, I am learning so much about myself, as I settle in to my new(er) career.  (BTW...I have started the process for full licensure, and I am currently accepting prayers. 🙏 The Missouri licensure process is a bit of an impossible escape room...too many riddles and not enough clues...and, to be honest, I'm surprised I've managed to make it this far!) I am realizing how deep is my discomfort with saying no.  I am realizing how much I suppress my own needs for the "common" good.  And I am realizing that this combination is the main source of anxiety and discomfort in
Read more

Friday Night, Saturday Morning (The Specials) - SURPRISE

Image
Let's start with the canopy...which really begins with the budget: Recently, Matt has taken over the family budget.   It was my decision, to be honest.  He tends to be the party pooper when it comes to all of my exceptionally good ideas, often revolving around some of my purchasing.  (Secretly, the most likely reason I hoarded the  budgeting responsibility.  But I never once lied about my purchases!  I just eased him in on my decisions.  😬) Well...now he sees everything directly - live action style.  And he doesn't always happen to see the value in the things I value.  Like...the canopy. Ok.  To his credit, I was getting a little out of control with my spending.  I bought a bunch of things for the office, some things for the great nephews, some things from my friend's AMAZING business (Insert plug for KC Pallet Hunters - 50% off or more.  Check them out on FB!). Also to his credit, he has learned that most of my ideas really ARE amazing.  To my credit, I have learned 1) to
Read more

Wednesday Morning, 3am

Image
Or pm...what does it matter?  I just don't like leaving things undone.  It may be the last you hear from me, but it will be finished!  So, the next day...June 16... All my children... ...was the day I've been looking forward to all along.  I got to see my lifetime friend!  (Oh darn!  I already shared the photo.  I get excited and jump the gun like that...💁)  We got to be alone together for like 30 whole minutes, and I'm pretty sure we picked up right about junior high. It was sooooooo good for my heart!   There are some friends that just click and you know they love you and you know you love them.  And then she started talking about having a girls' reunion and all the fun we would have, and I started to freeze up and said I would bring my family...and she said no I wouldn't and I finally felt safe to be honest (about a LOT of things!!), "Oh, Stacy...I don't do well in groups." And she had me at, "I know." Like Sands Through the Hourglass...
Read more